The screen said
create.
so i sat staring
Anyone can poke a hole
in the open sky and paint the flow
of color that rushes through
the empty nature of art
Very few are those who
watch the colors they once knew
Sit beside, afraid to see
what will become of their trade.
Like a lake once dammed but now free
the sky bleeds out. Some can see
like the fish left behind, it cries.
They cry too, They'd rather die
Than see the sky fall!
Those who watched
Rise and Breath
The weight of atlas
falls to their feet
And from inside themselves
Where no one sees
They bring out in joy
the sadness they keep.
Then it seemed
The whole world did speak
And I heard them go
I heard them leave
And I knew it then
to watch and wait
to quit poking holes
to bear the weight
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Chapter 10
By the time Thomas left France for good, he was fluent in French, which was ironic because it would do him next to no good in North America. But I still envy him because I wish I could speak it.
On his trip home, Thomas had a layover in New York of about 6 hours. This is because he didn't make much money moving large rocks so he had to take the cheapest flight he could find. There were no movies on this flight, but that was ok with Thomas. He slept for the first half of the flight. What wasn't ok with Thomas was that there were a few instances in which he experienced level 8 turbulence. This woke him up, and kept him awake.
He was in a bad mood when he reached New York, and his eyes were bloodshot, and his contacts had dried up so he had to wear his glasses.
Since he had a 6-hour layover, he decided to leave the airport and walk around the city a little bit. He hoped to find good cheap food, which he heard was easy to find in New York.
A concierge at a nearby hotel recommended a Sports Bar that was within walking distance she said had delicious burgers.
She, like most Americans, was overweight.
Thomas took her word for it.
Thomas hadn't had a cheeseburger in a long time that wasn't McDonald's, and that brightened his mood.
Of course, the bar was a front for Randal's son's Underground Indie Hub.
Sports Bars tend to be things that Indie people don't like. And that is why Randal's son can brag that his Indie Hub is 'Underground'
It also has a really cool trap door that goes underground.
At least I think it's really cool. You'll have to find out yourself if it actually is cool. But instead of being hinged, it sinks when you step on it and it slowly lowers you down about the speed Han Solo gets lowered when he gets frozen in carbonate.
As it were, while Thomas was eating his burger, he had a house beer that was pretty good. By this time, Thomas was 24.
He went to go talk to the bartender about the beer, because he literally had nothing better to do and he was lonely.
The bartender tricked Thomas into stepping onto the trap door. Thomas was surprised, but not as surprised as he was interested by the trap doors function, so he rode it down.
The bartender often tricked people with the trap door, he was kind of pathetic that way.
Thomas watched Cederstrom that evening, he thought they were pretty damn good. He also thought that Katie was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Far more beautiful than Clair, and she was better looking than Katie by any rational standards.
He got way too drunk and forgot about his flight to Canada.
This story is a bit too predictable. And yet, sometimes, life is too.
On his trip home, Thomas had a layover in New York of about 6 hours. This is because he didn't make much money moving large rocks so he had to take the cheapest flight he could find. There were no movies on this flight, but that was ok with Thomas. He slept for the first half of the flight. What wasn't ok with Thomas was that there were a few instances in which he experienced level 8 turbulence. This woke him up, and kept him awake.
He was in a bad mood when he reached New York, and his eyes were bloodshot, and his contacts had dried up so he had to wear his glasses.
Since he had a 6-hour layover, he decided to leave the airport and walk around the city a little bit. He hoped to find good cheap food, which he heard was easy to find in New York.
A concierge at a nearby hotel recommended a Sports Bar that was within walking distance she said had delicious burgers.
She, like most Americans, was overweight.
Thomas took her word for it.
Thomas hadn't had a cheeseburger in a long time that wasn't McDonald's, and that brightened his mood.
Of course, the bar was a front for Randal's son's Underground Indie Hub.
Sports Bars tend to be things that Indie people don't like. And that is why Randal's son can brag that his Indie Hub is 'Underground'
It also has a really cool trap door that goes underground.
At least I think it's really cool. You'll have to find out yourself if it actually is cool. But instead of being hinged, it sinks when you step on it and it slowly lowers you down about the speed Han Solo gets lowered when he gets frozen in carbonate.
As it were, while Thomas was eating his burger, he had a house beer that was pretty good. By this time, Thomas was 24.
He went to go talk to the bartender about the beer, because he literally had nothing better to do and he was lonely.
The bartender tricked Thomas into stepping onto the trap door. Thomas was surprised, but not as surprised as he was interested by the trap doors function, so he rode it down.
The bartender often tricked people with the trap door, he was kind of pathetic that way.
Thomas watched Cederstrom that evening, he thought they were pretty damn good. He also thought that Katie was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Far more beautiful than Clair, and she was better looking than Katie by any rational standards.
He got way too drunk and forgot about his flight to Canada.
This story is a bit too predictable. And yet, sometimes, life is too.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Chapter 9
Thomas woke up but he didn’t open his eyes. Music was still playing from his laptop from the night before. It was DragonForce.
DragonForce is only good to listen to sometimes. And by sometimes I mean rarely. And by rarely I mean almost never. And never in the morning.
Thomas didn't want to open his eyes because he had been having a very good dream and however childish it may seem, whenever Thomas had a good dream, he didn’t want it to end.
In his dream, he was back in Canada and happy.
In real life he was in France. And not the romantic side of France.
When he returned to France for the funeral, things went wrong.
He was a victim of identity theft, and all his money was taken from him.
His passion and skill for cooking died with his love.
Most people would compare it to a light burning out, but in poor Thomas's case, it was like the sun had imploded. He had a hard time making scrambled eggs. Which even I can do.
This hadn't been a problem in Canada, because there are always plenty of jobs and a sound government to take care of you. But in France, where his French was spotty at best, he was useless for anything but hard labor, and nobody took care of him.
His wisdom teeth were growing in.
He had broken his right index finger when a sudden gust of wind slammed a heavy wooden door on it.
While he was at the doctor, he missed the Canada vs. America Olympic Hockey match, which he had been looking forward to for months.
Bad luck Thomas.
Fortunately, he found a job that required him to split large rocks from inside tunnels and mineshafts.
His work usually involved rocks that could not be removed by dynamite because it was too dangerous.
The work was intense and beyond meaningless, but Thomas learned a lot while he did it.
Most of the time he thought about other things.
It took him six months to get on his feet again.
In those six months, he made some of the best friends he would ever make.
He also learned a lot about how the world works.
He bought a ticket for Canada, through New York.
The night before he left, he and his two closest friends went out for drinks.
When he got home, he made himself the best tasting omelet he had ever eaten.
DragonForce is only good to listen to sometimes. And by sometimes I mean rarely. And by rarely I mean almost never. And never in the morning.
Thomas didn't want to open his eyes because he had been having a very good dream and however childish it may seem, whenever Thomas had a good dream, he didn’t want it to end.
In his dream, he was back in Canada and happy.
In real life he was in France. And not the romantic side of France.
When he returned to France for the funeral, things went wrong.
He was a victim of identity theft, and all his money was taken from him.
His passion and skill for cooking died with his love.
Most people would compare it to a light burning out, but in poor Thomas's case, it was like the sun had imploded. He had a hard time making scrambled eggs. Which even I can do.
This hadn't been a problem in Canada, because there are always plenty of jobs and a sound government to take care of you. But in France, where his French was spotty at best, he was useless for anything but hard labor, and nobody took care of him.
His wisdom teeth were growing in.
He had broken his right index finger when a sudden gust of wind slammed a heavy wooden door on it.
While he was at the doctor, he missed the Canada vs. America Olympic Hockey match, which he had been looking forward to for months.
Bad luck Thomas.
Fortunately, he found a job that required him to split large rocks from inside tunnels and mineshafts.
His work usually involved rocks that could not be removed by dynamite because it was too dangerous.
The work was intense and beyond meaningless, but Thomas learned a lot while he did it.
Most of the time he thought about other things.
It took him six months to get on his feet again.
In those six months, he made some of the best friends he would ever make.
He also learned a lot about how the world works.
He bought a ticket for Canada, through New York.
The night before he left, he and his two closest friends went out for drinks.
When he got home, he made himself the best tasting omelet he had ever eaten.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Chapter 8
Sara Himms did two good things in her entire life.
The first one was, she gave up most of it to save her mother, which is maybe good since it goes against nature, but is dubbed good because of her valor in the name of love. The second one came later.
Sara was not an interesting girl. She was born, growing up she had no father, and she loved her mother, but her mother never did anything. Sara wasn't very intelligent so all of this seemed to be o.k. with her. She always wondered what was beyond Nebraska, but when she graduated high school her mother wanted her to stay and support her, so she did. She was skinny, and very cute, but she also did frivolous things like cleaning clean tables and like smoking past the end of cigarettes and like forcing herself to touch something red every time the clock read 9/11.
She worked in a Waffle House in Nebraska. This is what Nebraska looks like on a physical map.
________________________________________
it is very flat.
This was good for the Waffle House because the annoying tall sign that they always have was visible for miles and miles around, and at night it was a beacon of hope for those so far away.
Most people disappointed when they see that it was only a Waffle House, kind of like most people are disappointed when they follow spotlights in the city only to find a huge outdoor bathtub sale, however, when Fara and Katie were driving through Nebraska, they were pleasantly surprised.
They like Waffle House.
You know how Steven felt about it.
So anyways they stopped to eat at Waffle House at about 1:30 am.
The second good thing that Sara Himms did was to stay late and keep the establishment open.
This was only good because when she heard that they were a band traveling East, she asked them to play for her.
Sara was not very shy.
The point I'm trying to make is that every time Cederstrom played, a good thing happened.
After leaving Waffle House, they continued their drive East. Sara left Nebraska and won it big in Vegas. She had a natural talent for counting cards. Like Rainman. Exactly like Rainman.
Cederstrom heard their own song on the radio when they were passing through Vermont, a state notorious for indie music.
They got that feeling that every musician wants to feel someday.
The first one was, she gave up most of it to save her mother, which is maybe good since it goes against nature, but is dubbed good because of her valor in the name of love. The second one came later.
Sara was not an interesting girl. She was born, growing up she had no father, and she loved her mother, but her mother never did anything. Sara wasn't very intelligent so all of this seemed to be o.k. with her. She always wondered what was beyond Nebraska, but when she graduated high school her mother wanted her to stay and support her, so she did. She was skinny, and very cute, but she also did frivolous things like cleaning clean tables and like smoking past the end of cigarettes and like forcing herself to touch something red every time the clock read 9/11.
She worked in a Waffle House in Nebraska. This is what Nebraska looks like on a physical map.
________________________________________
it is very flat.
This was good for the Waffle House because the annoying tall sign that they always have was visible for miles and miles around, and at night it was a beacon of hope for those so far away.
Most people disappointed when they see that it was only a Waffle House, kind of like most people are disappointed when they follow spotlights in the city only to find a huge outdoor bathtub sale, however, when Fara and Katie were driving through Nebraska, they were pleasantly surprised.
They like Waffle House.
You know how Steven felt about it.
So anyways they stopped to eat at Waffle House at about 1:30 am.
The second good thing that Sara Himms did was to stay late and keep the establishment open.
This was only good because when she heard that they were a band traveling East, she asked them to play for her.
Sara was not very shy.
The point I'm trying to make is that every time Cederstrom played, a good thing happened.
After leaving Waffle House, they continued their drive East. Sara left Nebraska and won it big in Vegas. She had a natural talent for counting cards. Like Rainman. Exactly like Rainman.
Cederstrom heard their own song on the radio when they were passing through Vermont, a state notorious for indie music.
They got that feeling that every musician wants to feel someday.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Chapter 7
Cederstrom recorded their entire first album in spring. Katie worked really hard to finish it before summer started.
She and Fara stayed up the last 48 hours of spring finishing it.
Steven didn't really care.
The sound engineer, Randal, who recorded and mastered the tracks was so impressed with Katie's voice that he used every ounce of his considerable influence to make their single the itunes free download of the week.
Unfortunately for Cederstrom, people, in general, didn't like it. When they wrote reviews, they found it to be either "good background noise", or "boring".
Fortunately for Cederstrom, people, not in general, loved it. When they took the time to find the band email, they wrote very, very nice things about her and the drummer.
Katie found it remarkably funny when they said that the bassist sounded deeply moving, but distinctly indifferent. When she told Steven, he smiled.
It was the first time she could remember seeing him smile.
Since everybody downloads the free song every week, no matter who they are or what it is, it was downloaded 9,875,622 times; or about 10 million times.
Katie received 1,124 emails; or about 1,000 emails.
The band's fame grew as fast as their self-esteem and confidence, which was pretty fast considering. You would feel pretty good if you received about 1,000 emails telling you how amazing you are.
They were invited to play a show in New York.
This usually never happens to new indie bands, but I wanted to speed up the story a little bit, so I made Randal's half-deaf son who runs an underground indie hub of music in New York invite them.
It is really sad that Randal's son is half-deaf. It's like that movie Mr. Holland's Opus, but only half as sad. It frustrates me that Mr. Holland conducts with his left hand in that movie. Nobody conducts with their left hand. Ever.
Randal's son could still hear low frequencies, but had a really tough time with high ones. Even with hearing aids. He played upright bass. He was unbelievably good at it.
Months later, upon further personal reflection, Randal's son couldn't imagine why he did it, but considered it the best decision he ever made.
Randal was always proud of him.
Randal was instrumental in my life as well as Katie's.
Katie's parents wouldn't allow her to go because they wanted her to go to college and be successful. It was the typical story of parental oppression.
Obviously, Katie ran away with Steven and Fara. Fara drove all the way to New York from LA. At the California state border, he was strip searched.
From that point on, Katie drove across state borders.
She and Fara stayed up the last 48 hours of spring finishing it.
Steven didn't really care.
The sound engineer, Randal, who recorded and mastered the tracks was so impressed with Katie's voice that he used every ounce of his considerable influence to make their single the itunes free download of the week.
Unfortunately for Cederstrom, people, in general, didn't like it. When they wrote reviews, they found it to be either "good background noise", or "boring".
Fortunately for Cederstrom, people, not in general, loved it. When they took the time to find the band email, they wrote very, very nice things about her and the drummer.
Katie found it remarkably funny when they said that the bassist sounded deeply moving, but distinctly indifferent. When she told Steven, he smiled.
It was the first time she could remember seeing him smile.
Since everybody downloads the free song every week, no matter who they are or what it is, it was downloaded 9,875,622 times; or about 10 million times.
Katie received 1,124 emails; or about 1,000 emails.
The band's fame grew as fast as their self-esteem and confidence, which was pretty fast considering. You would feel pretty good if you received about 1,000 emails telling you how amazing you are.
They were invited to play a show in New York.
This usually never happens to new indie bands, but I wanted to speed up the story a little bit, so I made Randal's half-deaf son who runs an underground indie hub of music in New York invite them.
It is really sad that Randal's son is half-deaf. It's like that movie Mr. Holland's Opus, but only half as sad. It frustrates me that Mr. Holland conducts with his left hand in that movie. Nobody conducts with their left hand. Ever.
Randal's son could still hear low frequencies, but had a really tough time with high ones. Even with hearing aids. He played upright bass. He was unbelievably good at it.
Months later, upon further personal reflection, Randal's son couldn't imagine why he did it, but considered it the best decision he ever made.
Randal was always proud of him.
Randal was instrumental in my life as well as Katie's.
Katie's parents wouldn't allow her to go because they wanted her to go to college and be successful. It was the typical story of parental oppression.
Obviously, Katie ran away with Steven and Fara. Fara drove all the way to New York from LA. At the California state border, he was strip searched.
From that point on, Katie drove across state borders.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
A Break To Complain a Little Bit
There are a lot of things in life that involve difficult decisions. Everybody knows that.
In an ideal world, there are difficult decisions because people want to benefit themselves, but they also want to benefit the people around them so that they will be able to, in turn, help them.
Here:
Take nature.
Nature, when left alone, forms a harmonious, beautiful, mindless ecosystem. Organisms live, they serve a purpose to their surroundings, whatever that might be, and they die. Their body breaks down, they become a part of everything blah blah blah.
Put humans into that equation, make them mindless, and they work together to defend each other and survive blah blah blah.
There are no difficult decisions for mindless people. They act instinctively and if they are right they live, if they're wrong then they die. oops. fortunately there's a couple thousand other mindless people of the same sort to take the spot blah blah blah.
I am referring to men of the "prehistoric" or "stone" age.
Whatever the fuck we are now, we aren't humans. Technically, we are, but theoretically, we aren't. I keep talking about that will to survive crap, to push on, to better yourself, well, its selfish.
Its about as selfish as it gets.
Selfishness is found in animals around the world, don't get me wrong. Ever tried taking food from a bear?
Yet the true selfishness, the kind of which I'm talking about, doesn't exist anywhere but in the human being. Ever see a bear mark an entire food source as his own, so that he can have all the food, and sell it to other bears so they don't die in exchange for their mountain cave with a stellar night sky view?
But its expected now. That's why we are different than animals we want more blah blah blah.
So when people tell you you're selfish, well, yeah. You probably are. And so are they, for wanting you to share.
Yet its easy to define good selfishness from bad selfishness. Hitler, "The world will be mine" Susan B. Anthony "I want to vote".
My point is that it really depends on what kind of selfishness you go at.
Hitler, "Once the world is mine I will make it how i want"
Susan B. Anthony, "Once I can vote, so can all other women"
Sure you could say that Anthony to Hitler is a bit of a stretch, but how about day to day decisions.
"I want all the cookies because I'm hungry, but nobody else will have any"
"I'm going to make all the cookies because I'm hungry, I'll make enough for everybody"
Sure you could say that Deuche to Faggot is a bit of a stretch, but how about business decisions.
"I'm going to protect my money during this economic crisis, liquidize my stocks, maybe even short some, sell all my bonds, put it all in foreign banks under a stable currency, and wait for the economy to turn around. In other words, fuck the banks and the market. At least I didn't lose it all. My company will have to make major cuts. I'll feel bad firing those employees."
"I'm going to keep my savings in the accounts and deal with the lack of interest, buy stock while its low, and work harder to keep my company afloat so that when the economy turns around because of people like me, I will have made money, earned the respect of my employees, and have a solid company."
Sure you could say that Safe to Risky is a bit of a stretch, but it's NOT risky if EVERYBODY does it.
Safe isn't safe anymore when the Riskys all collapse under their weight, their foreign banks shut down due to their own economic crisis caused by your economic problems, and when they run out of people to fire.
See the trend?
There are a lot of tough decisions in life. Don't lie and say you're unselfish. Jesus Christ was rumored to be unselfish. He has been immortalized in history if not by other means. Unless you feel like going the same way he did, and if you need modern, I mean getting screwed for an idea, no matter how grand, then don't be selfless.
Communism is a method employed by rulers trying to copy nature; in a seriously fucked up way. Communism doesn't work. There's too much selfishness in people. Its a good thing. It makes us who we are, its the reason we have have ipods, beds, the NFL, and schools.
Pick your kind of selfishness. Make decisions that help you. Make that help the kind that will allow you to provide others with that same opportunity to make such a decision.
This is just thought, no advice to be had. This is one of the reasons why the world is so fucked up.
The odds are so great.
In an ideal world, there are difficult decisions because people want to benefit themselves, but they also want to benefit the people around them so that they will be able to, in turn, help them.
Here:
Take nature.
Nature, when left alone, forms a harmonious, beautiful, mindless ecosystem. Organisms live, they serve a purpose to their surroundings, whatever that might be, and they die. Their body breaks down, they become a part of everything blah blah blah.
Put humans into that equation, make them mindless, and they work together to defend each other and survive blah blah blah.
There are no difficult decisions for mindless people. They act instinctively and if they are right they live, if they're wrong then they die. oops. fortunately there's a couple thousand other mindless people of the same sort to take the spot blah blah blah.
I am referring to men of the "prehistoric" or "stone" age.
Whatever the fuck we are now, we aren't humans. Technically, we are, but theoretically, we aren't. I keep talking about that will to survive crap, to push on, to better yourself, well, its selfish.
Its about as selfish as it gets.
Selfishness is found in animals around the world, don't get me wrong. Ever tried taking food from a bear?
Yet the true selfishness, the kind of which I'm talking about, doesn't exist anywhere but in the human being. Ever see a bear mark an entire food source as his own, so that he can have all the food, and sell it to other bears so they don't die in exchange for their mountain cave with a stellar night sky view?
But its expected now. That's why we are different than animals we want more blah blah blah.
So when people tell you you're selfish, well, yeah. You probably are. And so are they, for wanting you to share.
Yet its easy to define good selfishness from bad selfishness. Hitler, "The world will be mine" Susan B. Anthony "I want to vote".
My point is that it really depends on what kind of selfishness you go at.
Hitler, "Once the world is mine I will make it how i want"
Susan B. Anthony, "Once I can vote, so can all other women"
Sure you could say that Anthony to Hitler is a bit of a stretch, but how about day to day decisions.
"I want all the cookies because I'm hungry, but nobody else will have any"
"I'm going to make all the cookies because I'm hungry, I'll make enough for everybody"
Sure you could say that Deuche to Faggot is a bit of a stretch, but how about business decisions.
"I'm going to protect my money during this economic crisis, liquidize my stocks, maybe even short some, sell all my bonds, put it all in foreign banks under a stable currency, and wait for the economy to turn around. In other words, fuck the banks and the market. At least I didn't lose it all. My company will have to make major cuts. I'll feel bad firing those employees."
"I'm going to keep my savings in the accounts and deal with the lack of interest, buy stock while its low, and work harder to keep my company afloat so that when the economy turns around because of people like me, I will have made money, earned the respect of my employees, and have a solid company."
Sure you could say that Safe to Risky is a bit of a stretch, but it's NOT risky if EVERYBODY does it.
Safe isn't safe anymore when the Riskys all collapse under their weight, their foreign banks shut down due to their own economic crisis caused by your economic problems, and when they run out of people to fire.
See the trend?
There are a lot of tough decisions in life. Don't lie and say you're unselfish. Jesus Christ was rumored to be unselfish. He has been immortalized in history if not by other means. Unless you feel like going the same way he did, and if you need modern, I mean getting screwed for an idea, no matter how grand, then don't be selfless.
Communism is a method employed by rulers trying to copy nature; in a seriously fucked up way. Communism doesn't work. There's too much selfishness in people. Its a good thing. It makes us who we are, its the reason we have have ipods, beds, the NFL, and schools.
Pick your kind of selfishness. Make decisions that help you. Make that help the kind that will allow you to provide others with that same opportunity to make such a decision.
This is just thought, no advice to be had. This is one of the reasons why the world is so fucked up.
The odds are so great.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Chapter 6
Thomas flew to France directly, and comfortably. In planes they let you watch movies of your choice these days. I made Thomas decide to watch "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer". It was so awful he fell asleep.
When he woke up the movie, "Fantastic Mr. Fox" was playing. he stayed awake for it because it was so good. He noticed at the end of the movie that the producers had recorded most of their own music. He was impressed by that.
I know very little about France, just that the food is good. and that it was once occupied by Germany. and that French people don't much like English people, but that they hate American people more. They are indifferent to positive about Canadians.
Since the food is good, the cooking schools must be good too.
When he woke up the movie, "Fantastic Mr. Fox" was playing. he stayed awake for it because it was so good. He noticed at the end of the movie that the producers had recorded most of their own music. He was impressed by that.
I know very little about France, just that the food is good. and that it was once occupied by Germany. and that French people don't much like English people, but that they hate American people more. They are indifferent to positive about Canadians.
Since the food is good, the cooking schools must be good too.
All I know about Thomas's time at cooking school was that he was happier than I had ever seen him. There was a romance. He met the love of his life. Her name Clair Lambert, that was how she spelled it at least. As relationships go, it burned like an inferno. She taught him French and how to ride horses, he taught her some English and cooked for her. She was secretly rich, and to her, Thomas was an escape.
One day she left him. Without warning. Three weeks later, She married a guy named Gaspard, who I am told is quite the man.
Thomas was utterly heartbroken and I felt awful about it, so I imagined up numerous gorgeous french women for him to sleep with.
Thomas taught me a lot about character when he refused to sleep with any of them.
He graduated eighth in his class of two hundred and fifty. Which is pretty respectable.
I could never finish eighth.
Upon further research of French Cooking Schools, I discovered that the one Thomas graduated from was the most prestigious in the world.
His loss of Clair and forced her to flee the country. Since Clair was the rich daughter of an ancient French family and Gaspard was named France's Sexiest Man Alive, their wedding made the news. Thomas had to leave. She was everywhere.
Thomas's plane ride home was uneventful. There was "mild turbulence" and the fish made everybody grow large red dots on their faces. Thomas didn't have the fish.
Also, on his personal turbulence scale, "mild" is only a 5, which he classifies as "dangerous if not wearing seatbelt; annoying". He wore his seat belt so his plane ride home was uneventful. Blah Blah Blah.
Thomas never told anybody about his personal turbulence scale on account that he felt that nobody in their right mind would have one.
What Clair didn't tell Thomas or Gaspard was that she was pregnant. The child, eerily named Thomas Jr. on the insistence of Clair, never knew his father or his mother. She died in childbirth.
Ironically, when Thomas attended her funeral, nobody put two and two together. Including him. Instead he felt honored and secretly that he must have been better than Gaspard.
Its ironic because such a humbling event made Thomas arrogant. Its also ironic that every person at the funeral was a smart person but none of them suspected a thing.
Thomas Jr. grew up to be kind of like the Sean Connery equivalent of real life. He kicked ass at everything.
Rumor has it he:
shook hands with Frank Sinatra and said it was nothing
blocked a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris with a roundhouse kick of his own, and broke Chuck's leg.
has not only lived among bears, but they universally hail him as their ruler
completed the international space station, on schedule
already knew what an awkward moment felt like, without even trying one
reached level 487 in Nazi Zombies and is known in the world of online COD as simply "God".
single handedly resurrected Latin.
He was the best dancer to ever live.
People wrote books about his time on earth.
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