Everything means everything...

"On and On again"


In this place that i have known
my whole long life, all alone
I sit and stare, unwinding.

The waves wash up
they always have
and when I go
They wont laugh.

Nor will they cry
or stop rolling and die.
This spot will stay forever.

And as the moonlight shines
i think in my mind
of all the time
that has passed here

And about the day
so far away
Where i will never return.

Choice

"Do we make decisions? And if so, to what end?"

We all make our own choices, and our choices directly impact our own futures, and ultimately lead to our deaths.

But with death, there comes a lack of self-control.

No possibility exists for the next world if no choices can be made. Assuming of course that our brains and not our 'souls' make decisions, and that they cease to function when we die.

Inversely, there are many who believe in destiny and fate, which is to imply that life is simply a game that is played by higher individuals, and that we are the product of the whims of others.

However, it does, in its own way, give meaning and purpose to life and offers life beyond death as a 'wonderful' incentive.

'Afterlife' scares me much in the same way that infinity does.

Be completely honest with yourself. Anything, no matter how perfect or unwavering, that lasts forever would be horrific. Sure the first 500+ years are enjoyable, but then what?

It makes no sense. And maybe it isn't meant to. But it still can't be anything like what is promised.

Because of this, I am forced to believe that it is choice that governs the world of man.

Through this logic, i am forced to admit that no matter what i do, there will be an outcome.

The decision to write this blog affects nobody but myself and yet, it has kept me from my math homework, and by extension, from sleeping.

My father always compares life to a hand of cards. He says that you have to play what you're dealt.

It's true, but it isn't five card draw. You cannot exchange your cards, you just have to make the best decisions and go from there.

You only get one hand to play, and whether you've got a pair of twos or a straight flush, you have to make a move sometime.

The decision not to make a decision is not one at all. Holding all your cards until they can no longer be played is not only foolish and useless, but puts you in a position to fail.

Utterly and Completely.

But if you indeed make the decision to not make a decision, life will pass you by, you will become nothing.

In effect, a discard pile.

Why is chess considered a game?

It is the most intricate, complex, and difficult pastime to even come close to fathoming. Even those who dedicate their lives to the game, grandmasters, do not understand it, they memorize it.

It is a game because it is not the pieces that make the decisions, but their controllers; us.

All of these pointless metaphors are an attempt to explain that even though the fact that we as humans have choice, which implies no purpose to anything at all that has ever existed, our lives are meaningful because we have to choose. It is choice that gives us all the will to strive for greatness, to succeed, to live.

It is choice that is our primal instinct.

A knight does not feel pain when it is sacrificed for the queen, but a man of a royal guard feels pain taking a hit for the king.

"What is Greatness?"

Greatness is not awarded. It is not given. It cannot be bought, or sold. It is earned.

In itself, greatness is nearly impossible to define, and describing it is no easy feat.

Make no mistake; there is no doubt of its existence.

Each day, we stumble upon it, or it is forced upon us, be it by the achievement of others or the staggering truths of life.

Like many other indefinable emotions and ideas, greatness is determined by the perspective of a person.

It just so happens that when a majority of a population feels as one that greatness is deserved, that it is earned.

Lance Armstrong, to any first world child or adult, represents greatness. However, to what significance is riding a bicycle faster then all others with half the manliness to a child suffering from malnutrition in central Africa?

To that child, greatness resides in the food he eats, or simply does not exist at all.

A good deal of the world looks up to Lance Armstrong, and has awarded him the title of "greatness" as a nearly unanimous feeling, but who does he look up to?

Does he see himself as greatness?

Do heroes idealize themselves?

I should hope not. There is no end to what a human can do in one hundred years of life in this world. This place is not boring. It does not run out of opportunities, or of information to learn.

I think greatness in truth, is achieving everything possible. To obtain what seems beyond reach and in the face of all odds, be it civil rights movement, or a deaf composer writing some of the most well renowned and venerated music ever.

Life’s obstacles are chances at greatness. And overcoming them is the gateway to immortality.

It's a Metaphor Within a Metaphor.

"What do you do when every door you open shuts and the walls close in around you?"

Life continues to amaze.

There are people in the middle/upper middle class who basically get stuck.

They are restricted by society, or in other words, money.

Because their salaries are restricted by their bosses who in turn hoard money and make bad decisions with it, the economy has slowly been diving until very recently when the world was hit with a sudden deficit of cash.

And because the world is lacking cash, bosses and the upper class decide to, instead of shortening their own salaries, to cut away unnecessary others, and shorten the salaries of their middle class and upper middle class workers.

To be fair to the high-ups... they don't decide to make budget cuts, they are forced to by the structure of society.

If they took the deficit out of their own pay checks... then they would no longer be upper class, and the as a result, very few rich people would be left over, and then all that is left would be chaos.

It's a system of checks and balances designed to spread the wealth and keep the superpowers at bay by equalizing them. This takes care of itself because rich people like being rich and work hard to maintain their position.

This battle of the wealthy takes a toll on the middle class, and the ones who want to survive, have to work.

It is not long before they're stuck at a dead end job. And the walls close in.

Fortunately for these middle-class plebeians, there is more to life then just work.

The middle class fight to open a door to another bit of life. Maybe sport or acting or music or art or women or something that is not work.

But life continues to amaze. For at any given point... the door is slammed shut. An injury, a stale relationship, a cut etc.

The work remains. The fight for his own existence still sits around.

There are a great deal of people on this planet, and for every man who fails, there are six ready to take his place.

Originality is nearly unreachable.

So what do you do?

I do not think anyone knows. For there are many who have tried to escape.

and just as many who have failed.

There may be one thing that separates any one faceless nameless robot from the next.

And if that one thing may be in existence then it is intensity.

To the middle/upper class citizen,

Keep you're head up, get through it all.
The walls can keep getting closer, and the doors can continuously slam in your face, but they cannot crush you unless you let them.

Some walls have windows.

Thoughts on a Tragedy.

True Love is for real.

It is not an illusion, it is not a reflection of something else, it is no mirage on the horizon, or a hollow promise made by one to another.

It can be faked, and it can be used irrationally or immaturely for the selfish whims of those who wish to gain something from the despair of others.

If it's there, then it's there. And if you say it's there, then for fucks sake don't lie and take it back.

True Love isn't invincible. In fact it can be as frigile as a rose of glass.

There's a reason why its called True Love. Because it plans to stay.

Finding the right person in the world is like winning the lottery. Some people play all their lives, and never win once.

If you win, consider yourself lucky and fight your hardest to hold it together.

If you loose it, you probably won't ever see it again. Thats just the odds.

Good people have one flaw. They are not taken seriously at times.

They do everything they can for you, and even if you don't mean to, you push them aside and trapple all over them, blind to your own damage.

Things happen. People make mistakes. Nobody is perfect.

It is how you deal with the mistakes after you make them that defines their impact on the world and those around you.

Be careful. Bad things tend to happen to good people because nobody stepped it up.

Good memories last a lifetime.

Bad memories do too, except they burn deep.

(This post is dedicated to the greatest of friends, someone who doesn't deserve to be reading this. Remember. No matter what, life goes on.)

Why Try?

It is also almost funny how the raw nature of people forms "modern" civilization.


We educated humans of the 21st century look back on ancient times with an air of superiority; life now is so much better, far more comfortable, and far more sophisticated.


People will be doing the same thing in another Millennia. It is the way we are.

For better or for worse aside, all things change.

And even though the people in power, the level of technology, and the rules of life change with time, people can be trusted to do the same thing.


Survive. and not only survive, but to survive in style.
Always are people striving to live in better comfort, to climb the social ladder.



Even as our religions and social rules decree to refrain from greed and selfishness, few are the people who manage to actually do it.

As a result, we have crime. In fact, a great deal of the evil in the world stems from this self-perpetuating need for bigger and better things.

Crime is not a first option. It's just too risky.

People do not choose to steal or sell drugs because they want to. They choose to do these things because it is easier to do then the all the hard work done by the average person.

Why even try?

The thoughts and motives of criminals in some cases are very understandable.

No matter how much you try, life will only get harder.

Its as much luck as it is anything else. There are kids who spend their lives devoted to one cause. Working.

They've been brainwashed since birth into thinking that their are no options, no path besides that of work.

Brainwashed by their parents who strive to better themselves through their children.

It is a crime.

The whole world is a constant competition of who can do the best and the most work before they turn eighteen.

Who can prepare themselves the best?

Who can compete with a single minded, computer-like, shit-for-brains, kid, who's been forced to take Mandarin and Violin lessons since he could say Ni Hao?

More importantly, who wants to?

That is the modern world at its highest point.

It is almost funny to think that in fifty years, we will be the same as we used to be.

Except it isn't.

There are suicides that occur because of this.

Some can't take it. They don't quit. They are worked until they die.

Whats more is that the synthetic child has become a fad in recent days amongst adults.

It is not just one poor, suffering child that's in the race. It's thousands.

"Modern" Civilization is a joke. It is a machine.


This may seem more like a tirade then a thought process, but that is because there is an eye to every hurricane.


When it's all said and done, you can look back and say you gave it your all. And while you may be working two jobs to pay for your college education, it's a hell of a lot better then working three to raise a child.

And you did it without breaking the law, without cheating, and with a life.

You could almost say you were one of the few who stayed away from the greed and the selfishness.

Keep Going.

We Need Change?

It is almost funny how so few people can cause so much evil for so many others.

Even in the democratic society of the United States, a very very small percentage of its people choose to go to war when the time comes.

But when blamed for the death and destruction of thousands and by extension the recession of the world economy as a whole, The Democracy replies with a simple, "you picked us... we just follow the rules".

So we blame the rules, but unfortunately, they were written by the people, for the people.

In some ways, every American crying out for change is a bit of a hypocrite.

The Settlers needed change. So they created it.

The Declaration of Independence

The Constitution of the United States

Nomadic tribes do not live as well as the modern American, at least from our founding fathers' points of view.

I am in no way criticizing President Elect Obama, nor any of his supporters.

I just find it somewhat humorous that the people attempting to end the war, have the same mindset as those who created the power to start it.

What do we do?

Well... we need to change of course.

Maybe we'll get lucky this time.