Life is a shadow of what it used to be. But it is the difference in what is and what used to be that defines us.

this is an assumption that i have drawn from personal experiences and my own reflection on what changes have occurred in the last years of my life.

i am relatively young in the world. Because of this, four years seems like such a vast expanse of time. and as i think back on how i truly used to think and truly used to feel... i have such a hard time understanding how elderly people are not the wisest people in the world.

maybe it is that there is just so little in the world to experience and understand.

maybe it is that i have a very poor understanding or i underestimate the wisdom of those older then i

or maybe it is because of the habitual and hum drum patterns of life after the age of thirty.

it could come down to simple science. i have read that human brains begin to deteriorate at a certain age.

maybe we are at our brightest relatively early.

you can see my confusion.

This is beside the point. the point is that I have noticed a great influx of knowledge, experience, ability to discern, and overall wisdom in the last four years.

and this will happen regardless of who you are over time.

On its face, this is obvious. Common sense.

However, despite it being common sense, its product is my faults, my fallacies, and my strong points.

These characteristics define me.

This is tremendously unhelpful because i do not realize these faults, fallacies, or strong points until they come into play, and by that time they are a thing of the past and useless to who i am anymore.

This is a problem.

If i ask myself, "Who am I?" The answer, after a long and tedious process that, in the end, comes up short, is, "I simply am who i am."

This leaves others to define me. But they are as inept, if not more so then i, for they are not me, and they only learn things about me as i perform them, and by that time i experience a result from my action and hence am a new person.

If i cannot define myself, and others cannot as well, then how will i ever know who i am.

the answer is simple.

it is our experiences, our actions, or shadowy past that defines us, not our current living bodies. they are but vassals for what is the result of what used to exist.




As usual, i do not claim originality in this blog, for it probably has been thought of before.